School Playground Saga!

So Isaac is in Year 1 now and that’s quite a big change from Reception. Firstly there’s a lot more sitting down and doing work at tables and then the playground is very different. He now goes into a playground with all the other year groups and I have to be honest, it’s not a very nice playground especially in comparison to the one he was in last year. The Nursery and Reception playground was lovely, it has lots of activities and fun stuff to do to keep them busy. There’s a mud kitchen, a slide, some Wendy houses, a bandstand, some bikes to ride and much more that I can’t remember! He’s gone from that to basically an empty field with a bench in it, no equipment to play with and areas that he can’t go in if it’s too muddy. He is not really into football and I’m sure there’s other kids in his class who feel the same so for those kids there’s not much to do. This has resulted in them playing rough and getting into trouble.

I’ve been into the school to talk to them about it and they’ve basically said that now that they are an academy things have changed financially and that the school is run more like a business. They also said that because of the area that the school is in we do not qualify for any grants available to buy equipment for our school. This made me really angry and upset because it shouldn’t make a difference where you live as to whether your child has a nice, standard playground! It’s reverse snobbery really and it’s almost punishing children for something they have no control over. I understand the logic behind this policy but when you actually sit down and think about it it’s archaic and not in keeping with trying to give all kids a level start in life. Our area is considered to be affluent and so I suppose the immediate answer is to raise funds ourselves and pull together as parents to provide what’s needed, whether that be time or some DIY or some cold hard cash!

I go to the parent network meetings, the last one was really positive and I think that we will pull together and make a good start at reading enough funds. I have given my time and ideas and I’m happy to put in whatever I can to help but my fight on this won’t end there. I have emailed our local MP the right honourable Dame Rosie Winterton and explained my feelings on the subject and she has very kindly written back to me and said she will look into it further. I really would love to hear any opinions on this from anyone else who has had the same experience? I’d also love any ideas on fund raising I can do within school, either things that you’ve tried and have worked or just completely fresh ideas!

My boy is so sweet and kind and he’s going through a really tough time at the moment. I think kids at school have latched on to the fact that if you say or do mean things to him that he will react in a big way and then get himself into trouble. I’ve told him to just stay calm and go and tell a teacher but that’s easier said than done when you’re 5. He plays rough now too because there’s just not much to do in their playground. I know that this transition is normal and that it will probably all die down by the end of the year and he will know what’s acceptable and what isn’t but why does this need to be part of the process? If their playground was set up in a way where every child felt they could entertain themselves how they would like to then this really stressful time that my son and I are going through now probably wouldn’t be happening. Anyway that’s my rant over for now, I’ll keep you updated on my mission. Merry Christmas everyone!

The last few months!

Sorry it’s been so long since I last blogged! It has been a busy few months and it’s not just my blogs I’ve shied away from! I’ve not been as busy on my social media accounts either! A few things have been going on, I’ve been trying to declutter and clean my house with the whole hinching craze which is an absolute revelation to me! I mean the lady is a genius and she’s changed my life but that’s a whole other blog post! I’ve also been trying to be the best mum ever by changing my approach to parenting, trying to stay calm, sticking true to punishments etc! And then what with spellings and reading, cooking, it’s just been a very busy time. And then last but not least I’ve now decided to tackle the issue of getting funding together to improve our school playground!

So Isaac has been getting himself into trouble at school, fighting, rough play, retaliating to other kids bad behaviour instead of just telling the teacher. Most of this happens at playtime, his teacher says he is very good in class. So I started thinking about it and then spoke to him and he said he missed his playground from reception, that he was bored in the new one as it’s just a field. So I spoke to our headteacher and said what can be done. Basically because of where the school is it’s considered to be in an affluent area so they don’t qualify for funding of any kind, I found this totally unacceptable. It’s like reverse snobbery. I understand if we don’t qualify for everything but to not qualify for anything just seemed really odd to me. So now I’ve written to our MP, I’m ringing round local businesses and thinking of ideas to raise the funds ourselves! It’s all new but it’s exciting and it’s nice to feel like I’m part of something, that hopefully we can make a difference!

Any ideas on funding or how to fund raise let me know! I won’t be so quiet for so long again I promise! Missed blogging and sorry it’s only short. Easing my way back in!

When parenting gets tough

I’ve been a Mummy now for 5 and a half years and sometimes I feel I have it all under control, they’re eating well, they’re sleeping through the night, playing nicely with each other and generally doing what they’re told. However they’re are times like this week for example where I feel completely overwhelmed by it all, the huge sense of responsibility weighs heavy on me and I question whether I am actually doing a good job. This cycle is never ending and quite an emotional rollercoaster but after much thought I’ve decided that it’s necessary so that you can reevaluate your strategies and routines.

As you know we use screentime as a reward for good behaviour and as a necessary tool so that Dean and I can do what’s needed in the house or just have some downtime for ourselves. But what happens when it’s getting too much and their behaviour isn’t going too well. This week I have noticed a decline in Isaacs behaviour, he’s very easily upset or angry, he seems to struggle with doing as he’s told. Just simple things like getting dressed or going upstairs for bathtime have ended up in huge tantrums which we are no stranger to but it’s the language and the things he says to us when he’s upset now that I struggle with. He is saying things like ‘I hate you Mummy, you’re the worst mummy in the world. I want a new family’. Or ‘this is the worst day in the world’ usually because I’ve asked him to tidy up or put his shoes on or brush his teeth. I think going back to school always throws him off a bit because it’s getting back into a routine and it can really tire him out. I also think have a younger sibling who has tantrums on a regular basis because he is two doesn’t help. With Theodore we see his tantrums as appropriate for his age and so I feel Isaac might think that it’s different rules for them both which I suppose it is but we treat Theodore in the same way as we did Isaac at his age. Of course that means nothing to Isaac who just sees the injustice of it all.

I think I could maybe let Isaac off if this were just at home but it has this week slipped into his school life too, I was told by his teachers on Friday that he had not been listening all week or doing as he was told. So things have to change I suppose and we have to make a new plan. We have decided for the time being until we see an improvement in his behaviour that the iPad is gone, I don’t expect perfection by any means but the hurtful comments can’t be as often or the tantrums. He has to do as he’s told for the simple stuff and just generally become a bit more self aware, trying to teach that is so hard because as an adult it becomes second nature to think about how what you do or say affects those around you. I know he has a sense of that with others because he gets upset if he’s left out or if someone says something mean to him but I hope he can soon get a sense of how he affects others. Maybe he has already and that’s why he says the hurtful stuff so that I feel how he does if he doesn’t want to do as I say but I have to try to find a way to teach him how to say how he’s feeling rather than trying to inflict it on other people.

Parenting is so hard sometimes and I am definitely feeling that this week. I say this quite often and it’s so true I think for most parents, you just don’t think of all this stuff when you plan a baby. Or you do and then you do all the stuff you say you’re not going to do! I’m so guilty of that, I said I wouldn’t shout, I wouldn’t only cook what they will actually eat, we won’t have an iPad when we’re out as a family, I won’t get sucked into buying new toys all the time! The list could go on and on but I am instead going to try and focus on what I am going to do going forward. I’m very aware of how cold and distant I can sometimes be as a Mummy, I take it all so personally when their upset and then I can feel almost resentful toward them, like they don’t appreciate me but that’s my baggage, not theirs. I am going to try really hard to be as loving as I can be without condoning their behaviour, set boundaries but not in an angry, threatening way. I want them to know that they can tell me how they feel without lashing out and they won’t do that if I shout at them. I can’t expect perfection from myself either but if I aim for that hopefully I will improve. I’m not saying I’m a bad Mummy, I know I work hard and they know I love them but in order to teach them I have to lead by example. They won’t change their behaviour unless I show them how to do that!

So I think that’s why we have these stages in our parenting, it’s so you can look at what you’re doing and tweak it to improve it. It’s not easy but nothing is that’s worth it. Here’s to all the Mums and Dads out there trying their best to teach their kids how to be a nice human being! Happy Sunday to you all!

My Skincare Routine!

So I’ve had a lot of really positive comments about my skin lately and I’ve done a few insta posts about what I use but I thought it might be more helpful to put my whole routine and what products I use into a blog post!

My skin is quite oily and I am prone to breakouts so that’s been my main focus for a long time. I feel like I tried everything to get it clear and was left with very dry skin that was still breaking out all the time. I then would pile on make-up to cover those breakouts which would of course make them worse. It was a vicious cycle!

Then in January I watched a documentary that the amazing Cherry Healy did on the BBC about products! Now I am a huge product fan, I love them, always have! I remember as a teen going shopping with my Dad down the Kings Road and blagging him to go into Space NK with me to get my Nars fix! So as a product junky I didn’t expect this doc to change my whole view on products and my skincare routine but it absolutely did!

Basically to cut a long story short, this doc uncovered two major issues for me! Firstly companies can really put whatever they want on their labels to sell you their products. That blew my mind, what also was proven in the doc was that as far as anti ageing goes if you don’t use sunscreen everyday (yes EVERYDAY! Even in this country when it’s cloudy and the middle of winter) and you don’t use retinol every night you are probably not going to see any affect on anti ageing! This literally blew my mind also!

I then started looking into skincare more deeply and what ingredients should be in the products I’m using. For someone like me with oily, breakout prone skin glycolic acid, sacylic acid, hyularonic acid and vitamin c are all absolute wonder ingredients! These are all ingredients that will brighten the skin and will promote cell turnover! That’s the key I have found to get clearer skin and to seeing a result with anti ageing too!

I looked into Nip and Fab’s glycolic range, reading the reviews was a revelation! People were literally raving about their products, the before and after pics were incredible too. So I gave them a try and I have been absolutely thrilled with the results. When I say this I am really not exaggerating, within two days I had clearer, brighter skin. I am still using them and I’m as happy with them now as I first was. I use their Glycolic Fix face wash, the Glycolic Fix daily and nightly exfoliating pads every day and night without fail! They just absolute get my skin completely clean, they exfoliate all that dead skin away and promote cell turnover which means clear skin always! What that also means is that whatever you put on afterwards really sinks in and goes deeper into your skin to really work it’s magic!

So I’d managed to get my skin clear but then my next focus was anti aging. I am 33 now and I’ve always worn a high factor on my face on holiday but here in the UK I’ve worn spf15 in the day as a general rule. I’d now learnt that this wasn’t really enough if I wanted to slow down the ageing process which I absolutely do! It’s not that I want to look 18 but I want to age gracefully without the botox and fillers. I started reading about retinol too and what I found was really interesting. It’s something to be applied at night because if worn in the day the sun breaks it down and you then won’t see the results of it. Basically it’s all about the strength of the retinol and your skin working up a resistance to it. I read lots of positive reviews about Aestheticare Retriderm retinol serum, you start with the 1% strength maybe 3 nights a week and you work up to every night. Once your skin is ok with that you then start using their 1.5% version and it’s the same rule of thumb, 3 nights per week moving to every night once your skin is acclimatised. The results I saw I in my skin were amazing! I finally felt I could go make up free in the day too which is lovely and of course helps to keep my skin clear too! Even the lovely lady who micro blades my eyebrows noticed the difference in my skin. She gets up really close to my skin so for her to see a really positive difference was lovely.

So with my cleansing and my night routine sorted I now needed to tackle my daytime products. Sunscreen was my first priority and I decided that factor 50 was the way to go from now on everyday! I’d rather have less wrinkles than a tan! I tried a suncream by Altruist which was factor 50 and as much as I felt it protected me from the sun I found it too heavy for my skin, it made it feel even more oily than usual and in turn that lead to some small breakouts. I then read through some reviews online of a company called Heliocare. They have a large range of sunscreen products, suited to different skin types and all giving you such great protection from the sun and the free radicals that it releases. I tried their airgel which said it was oil free and I haven’t looked back! I wear this every day now and it’s a dream! It applies evenly, it’s absolutely oil free and I have not had the slightest hint of sunburn or sunstroke since wearing it. Also my skin hadn’t broken out as a result of using it and that’s a first for me with sunscreen! I normally always breakout no matter which one I use actually! I have since ordered their body version for while we were on holiday and again couldn’t be happier with it. I used it on my kids and my husband who is very fair, he didn’t burn at all while using it and again that’s a first! He always wears factor 50 and still burns but not this summer! I normally break out with an itchy rash on my arms and legs if I’ve been out in the sun but with this I didn’t at all. I felt completely protected from the sun and still managed to get a nice tan which has lasted all summer!

Before I apply my sunscreen though, I apply a vitamin C serum with hylauronic acid in, this is to brighten my skin and to promote cell turnover again!

Through doing all of this I now have clear skin with the occasionally breakout which is usually hormone related. I can cope much better with that as it’s just once a month and the breakouts are so minimal now in comparison to what they were that I don’t even feel the need to cover them up with make-up. That feeling of confidence is so wonderful and I am so grateful I got here! I wish I had known all of this info before but I’m very grateful to have found it out now though, it’s nice to feel in control of it in some small way because before this year it was very much a case of that my acne controlled me.

In addition to using these products I also dermaroll once a week using a 2.0mm roller and I follow that with a Nip And Fab glycolic fix mask. This really helps my skin to clear up and I really feel it brightens it up too. I also dermaplane my face once a month to get rid of all the dead skin cells and I love doing this. My skin looks and feels so great after, I’d really recommend this to anyone who’s trying to get their skin brighter and clearer. Absolutely do your research though, I watched lots of YouTube tutorials first and sterilised everything that I was using very thoroughly. I’ve got a microneedler too but I haven’t braved it yet, this is a little bit more intense and I was worried about downtime. I think after September I might try it as I don’t have anything in the calendar to go to for a while then which will give my face time to heal and calm down if it does go red! I’ll keep you updated on how that goes when I try it.

I do think it’s important to do some sort of face mask a couple of times a week, I do the Nip And Fab Glycolic Fix one weekly and then I also use the Nip And Fab Dragons Blood plumping one or the Nip And Fab Bee Sting Venom lifting one. The last two are great for a boost before going out and I’d say the glycolic one is my weekly go to to keep it nice and clear.

I so can relate to anyone trying to get your skin clear and fight anti ageing at the same time! My confidence as a result of this journey has rocketed to the point where I’m not checking my make-up every half an hour if I’m out and I can go make-up free in the day! There was a point where I though that was a myth, that nobody actually did that but they just had mastered the most subtle make up ever! If you’re reading this and can relate look into your products and give what I’ve said a try! The brands I’ve mentioned are awesome but look for the ingredients I’ve mentioned if you don’t want to use what I’ve suggested!

Here’s some pics to show how much it’s changed in a year!

So the first one is what I would have considered a good day a year ago…

And this is what my skin is like now make-up free!

I hope this has been helpful and I shall keep you updated on my skin journey!

Growing up as a step child

So I’ve always been one, literally from the moment I was born because my Mum was still married to my first ‘Step Dad’. My parents met when they were both still married, they were separated from their significant others but both went back to them before I was born. As I have always been a step child I thought I would share my insight into what that’s been like for me, how it has shaped my life and what it has taught me about my parenting and family life now that I am a grown up.

I have had two step fathers and the first was the better of the two for so many reasons. I think because he knew me from birth he genuinely loved me and did his best when I was younger to be a good parent. Sadly as I have grown up his presence in my life has dwindled to nothing and it’s a bit sad but I think that could because my relationship with my actual father has progressed so much over the years. I can accept his absence because he was such a good father figure to me in my early years and in fairness to him there has never been any animosity as such, more of a drifting apart. I think of him from time to time and wonder if he’s doing ok.

With my second step Dad it’s a very different story, my Mum married him when I was 10 and he had a daughter who is a year older than me. I think he always felt unsure of me in some way, my Mum and I were very close because for a long time I was her main focus so I think he and I both struggled with each other for that reason. That being said I was a child and was still learning about my emotions, what they were and how to handle them. He was an adult and so I can in no way condone his behaviour towards me which at times was really hurtful. I have honestly been effected by his verbal abuse all of my adult life which has been really difficult for me and anyone close to me. I have done a lot of work on myself with therapy and reading through lots of self help literature to tackle the mental scars I was left with after their divorce and I’m not ashamed to say that at times my self esteem was at absolute rock bottom. I think I even started to believe the things that he would say to me and about me to other people. He told me on nearly a daily basis that I was a liar, that I was lazy, selfish, that I took too much of my Mums time up, that I did nothing but cause her stress. I truly struggle now as an adult to ask for help even from my husband because he had me absolutely convinced that I was this huge burden, like an inconvenience to everyone! He would also constantly put down my Dad which was so disrespectful and he would wait to do this when we were alone as he knew it was completely unacceptable behaviour. Towards the end of their marriage he started to do this about my Mum too. It was just a very unfair house to grow up in because if I did something wrong everyone knew about it but if my step sister did then he dealt with it very quietly and nobody knew a thing had happened. Unfortunately she and I never got close, we are just very different people and I’m ok with that. We both live in the same small town so I do run into her sometimes and that can be awkward but I just get on with it now. It used to be that I wouldn’t go to places or events if I thought she’d be there but now I have grown in confidence and I go where I want to go without that affecting my decision on whether I go or not.

So what I did learn from all of this experience! Well I think the most important lesson I have learnt is that your words are so important. What you say to your children absolutely is stored in their mind and has the power to haunt them into adulthood. Even though I know deep down I’m not a liar or lazy or selfish there is still that doubt in my head that I am and I truly believe that’s because I had those horrible things reiterated to me repeatedly by my step-father. It’s so difficult sometimes not to get upset with your kids and say something hurtful but I can’t bring myself to do it, no matter how angry I am with them because I know that that’s all they’ll hear as their inner monologue if I do. It’s also taught me to be as fair as I can with my boys, to try as hard as I can to treat them the same, to encourage and discipline them in the same way wherever I can because otherwise they’ll feel like I did. I honestly just thought I was a bad kid, that my step sister was perfect and that I couldn’t do anything right and that’s because we weren’t treated the same way. I don’t want that for my boys. Also that you don’t have to get on with everyone, not everyone has to like you and you don’t have to like everyone. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude but for me it just means that I no longer go out of my way to get peoples approval and if I don’t like someone I just don’t seek them out. I know who I am and I’m ok with it and if someone else isn’t that’s actually none of my business.

I truly believe that I’ve turned my experience as a step child into a positive. I’ve learnt from other people’s mistakes and my own to try to be the best parent and person I can be. I feel my life could have taken a very different turn too, I’ve been through a lot in my short life and actually I think on some level that’s what he hoped for. I always felt that he was willing me to fail but it’s ok even if he was because like I said already, that’s none of my business. I’m so proud of who I’ve become and what I’ve created, that might sound arrogant but I mean it in the most sincere way. Nobody can take that away from me and that makes me feel incredibly grateful and happy.

I know growing up as a step child is different for everyone and that it sometimes really works out so this is just my experience with my step-father’s. My relationship with my step-mum is good, we’ve had our ups and downs to get to where we are now but I’m very lucky in that our relationship in no way compares to my experience with my step-dad.

I feel it’s important to add that he passed away earlier this year and I did honestly grieve, I went to his funeral and I sobbed because even though we had this difficult relationship and I have this hurt left he was a huge part of my growing up. When I’d heard he had passed I was also so disappointed that I was never going to get that approval from him, he was never going to say to me actually you aren’t all those things I said you were and you did good kid, there was never going to be that closure. I thought I would really struggle with this but actually I feel so much more free than I used to, I don’t know whether him passing away has meant that because I will never get that approval that I now just do what I want to do when I want to and with confidence.

I do wish that there had been someone I felt I could go and talk to about it all when it was going on, maybe someone in a similar situation or a counsellor. I think getting support through your childhood with mental health or any kind of family trauma is constructive for how you handle anything difficult in the future. I hope that there are support groups out there now for kids that are struggling to adjust to a new family situation. Anyway I’ll leave it there tonight!